Integrative Philosophy

Laura Quelch
Jul 24
11 min read

My Personal Therapy Philosophy by Laura Elizabeth Quelch

Introduction:

My interpretation of an Integrative Philosophy is a combination of all different types of therapy that compliment each other. It’s having the knowledge of which technique is best for that particular client: having the skill set to recognise what approach will be most effective for them.

I resonate with the description of a therapy toolkit - having tools in our tool box and being able to pick, choose, combine different tools to fit the situation. You might rarely use a wrench, but often use a screwdriver. It’s the same as Therapy, you might not always use Age Regression, but you may often use hypnosis, and you’ll definitely always use Active Listening!

As a firm believer that you are always learning and always developing, it's part of my Personal Therapy Philosophy to strive to bring the best version of myself to every client. To be mindful of being present in the room with the client, and of any transference.

Saying that, it’s also important to know your limitations and ensure you also protect yourself. More on that later….

So what do I bring to the table? What techniques do I resonate with?

I have always been extremely sensitive to the moods of the people around me, and responded to try and control the situation. During childhood, this kept me safe in an unpredictable environment, but as I got older it led to feelings of not belonging.

Now it’s my superpower.

A huge part of therapy is being aware of and in tune with your Client. It’s showing you are really listening to your Client with behaviour like mirroring. The term mirroring refers to the unconscious tendency to imitate another person's behaviors, gestures, speech patterns, or even emotions. As a Therapist, it’s turning that unconscious tendency into a deliberate technique to build trust and rapport.

Within the first session, I want to connect with my Client as a human being. I want them to feel safe, seen and heard. One of my favourite sayings to Clients is ‘know that this is your time, you are in control, and you are always in control’.

Hypnosis vs being hypnotised

I’m not a fan of the wording ‘hypnotised’ or the mindset of ‘hypnotise me’ as I feel it is too close to the image of being made to cluck like a chicken. I always stress that I don’t do anything, that the client is always in control and that if they don’t want something they have the control to stop it.

In his book, ‘The 3 Things That Will Change Your Destiny Today!’ Paul McKenna referred to Hypnosis as the “magic bullet” (pg. 50) - able to solve any problem. He talks about how a Dr Ronald Ruden was frustrated by the fact that, “despite its effectiveness, the science behind it needed more research for it to be taken seriously by the medical profession” (pg. 51).

I’m personally not concerned about those who don’t believe in the power of hypnosis or any remedy that could be considered “woo woo”. My focus is on those who are open and willing to explore. Funnily enough, in my experience, it has been the ones who were most skeptical to have the biggest effect! Back in December 2024, I spoke on stage at The Speak and Shine Summit. I took the audience into a short hypnosis about self-belief. Many people came to thank me, most of which were those who wanted me to know how shocked they were at having felt moved by it!

I’ve been exploring the world of hypnotherapy for over ten years, and it has done wonders for me personally. It has powerfully transformed my life many times, and filled my life with joy!

Now I want that to bring that joy to others. Ideally, I’d love for people to not experience pain and trauma at all, which is why I’m a Mentor. However, I understand that’s not possible. In fact, it’s from the challenges we go through in life that make us who we are. So, helping people overcome these troubles and live the life they desire is my plan!

Being on the Neurodiverse Spectrum

I have not been officially diagnosed, and I’m not sure it’s something I’m bothered about. However, I’ve been doing more research, and have been more open to talking about it now that it’s become more out in the open.

A lot of my struggles have been due to, or added to, my exhaustion from Masking. Not being my true self, and constantly monitoring my behaviour to make sure it was “normal”. That’s a big deal on both a mental and physical plane because there are a lot of feelings of shame there - of not feeling comfortable with who you really are.

Acceptance of myself truly is what led me to a path of discovery.

I really enjoyed reading Counseling for Toads by Robert de Board, especially where Heron says to Toad “There can be no stronger criticism than self-criticism and no harsher judge than ourselves.” (pg. 74). My own belief is we can be our own worst enemies, but we can also be our biggest supporters. And I believe we have an epidemic of lack of self-belief.

I believe this is a key ingredient in helping those who have been taught their behaviour is “wrong”, and to heal from the past. ‘The Autistic Survival Guide To Therapy’ by Steph Jones discussed Empathy and touches on the approach by Carl Rogers:

‘Rogers believed that human beings have an innate capacity to transform and heal, and that under the right conditions a psychologically distressed individual could learn to accept themselves and undergo a transformative positive personality change’ (pg. 95).

Sympathy vs Empathy

It has been an ages old debate of if sympathy and empathy are the same thing. I would say no, in fact, I would stress they are very different. For me, sympathy is “feeling sorry” for someone, whereas empathy is putting yourself in their shoes, their situation and imagining how you would feel in that situation. Thus being able to connect with them on a deeper level.

That being said, doing so can actually have a negative effect if done incorrectly. Touching back on ‘The Autistic Survival Guide To Therapy’, where the author discussed empathy and

“the double empathy problem” coined by a Doctor Damian Milton. Being a book on Autism, there was a big focus on the ‘differences in communication with neurodivergent and neurotypical people and how this can cause problems in therapy.’

I would like to open this out to a broader example and talk about why it is so important to keep things vague when doing a hypnosis; there are so many ways to resonate with something: visual, auditory, kinetic etc Equally, there are some elements that people may struggle with i.e to visualise colours or hear sound. Therefore, it is important not to make things super specific, this may cause conflict/confusion in a person. Why? Because while they were imaging a cute stone cottage, you might be telling them to visualise a big wooden house. They’ll then be thinking “Oh, should I be imagining that?” and may even try to change the image. I believe this will lose them insights. Take one of my case studies, as an example, as feedback they described in shock how the building was an old home of theirs when they lived with an ex, and it potentially pointed at some healing to be done there.

Steph Jones talked about how no one person is the same: “it is practically impossible to pigeon hole 1% (maybe more) of the world's population into neat little boxes” (The Autistic Survival Guide To Therapy, pg.39) and I’d like to expand that out to the world - two people with the same diagnosis may have completely different traits. This is because many factors will be at play: ‘environmental, genetics, trauma, health interpersonal dynamics, personality, privilege’ etc

In ‘Working with Goals in Psychotherapy and Counselling’ an example is used of two boys of the same age with the exact same problem and goal, but which were actually two very different cases.“As therapists, we must always ensure that the interventions fit with both the goal and the unique context of the client.” (pg. 172).

Touching on my Essay about Gestalt

I thought it was not for me, I’ve personally had to put up with aggressive and confrontational people, I prefer kind and empathetic energy. However, the more I learn, the more I acknowledge the power of the challenge. When you’ve been stuck in a particular narrative for so long, you may really benefit from someone pointing out these beliefs.

Quite often people are feeling stuck from not being able to be themselves.

Touching on…touching!

When I like you, when I feel like I’ve built a connection with you, I become a huge hugger! And in the session between Gil Boyne and Bud, I understood the benefit of touch providing comfort and maybe even providing hypnotic support.

However, just like with my Gestalt reaction, I would have been more at ease having seen an “Is this okay?” conversation. I’m not a fan of having the choice taken from me, of having someone made the choice for me. Even, for example, shaking hands, I really appreciate it when people ask “shake or fist bump?” etc Instead, he just kept touching him!

He looked like he was being firm but gentle. I also think the tapping on his arm and shaking his hand may be very intentional not just in comfort but in a subliminal way.Gil Boyne worked with the transference of there being a problem with the Father. In the end, they reached a conclusion I agree with: Love makes the world go round. Gil knew what the root issue was from the very beginning, and knew how to use their transference to get to it.

I provide comfort in my own way. I only push or challenge when it feels like the more subtler techniques are not working. I treat Clients the way I’d like to be treated - with a soft, gentle and slow approach, bit by bit, and not overwhelming. After plenty of experience and gaining confidence, I know I will start exploring these techniques.

Responsibility - Understanding myself and how I can use this to help others

We have so much power as Therapists. It’s so important to ensure we use that skill set for good.

After a painful age regression practice I realise just how important it is to not get caught up on what you think is best, and to check in with the client. You may think going further will reveal more answers that they will benefit from hearing, but they may be feeling overwhelmed and need to process the information we’ve already revealed so far.

I found even just having my unconscious reveal itself - the symbology there is so powerful. You could potentially leave it at that for now, and come back. It’s important to ask the client, to double check, would you like to continue/keep going etc

Simplifying it further, even just being guided along a path and meadow can do so much for someone. Especially someone who has never experienced hypnotherapy before, and/or is feeling quite vulnerable.

That’s the importance of the preamble - checking in with the client of how they are feeling. That being said, I had such a strong powerful response, as I was trying to protect myself. I realise now that I decided to stop what was happening, I had such control over the situation, not going any further, because I had been avoiding this scene for almost ten years!

We can be experts in effectively hiding the thing that needs to be found the most.

When my practice partner asked my unconscious mind to present itself, immediately a massive shining blue forget-me-not appeared in front of me. I was in shock. This was a symbol of my Nan. Why was she coming through? And, then once I had regressed to a past time, it was to find myself sat chatting with my Nan. I was in my school uniform, having walked round to her flat from school, and joined her for a cup of tea and ‘chin-wag’, just me and her. This was a very important scene for me, it represented so much, and I was completely overwhelmed by the emotions coming up.

After complaining about my parents in the preamble, I was fully expecting a scene with my parents. However, these are scenes I have re-lived myself over and over again. It’s what led me to part ways and go no contact with them.

But, my Nan, I pushed down so deep that it was truly the unconscious mind coming through. Having to acknowledge the loss of what could have been, the great loving relationship I could have had with her, and the guidance on my family I could have had with her, and even that important moment of saying goodbye was too painful to do. And, so I thank myself for protecting me from that pain.

I chose to go on this Hypnotherapy journey to heal and help others. And to do that I need to fully and properly heal. Not do affirmations about how I believe in myself, not do things I’ve been doing for ten years, but to acknowledge, give space and attention, love, to the things I’ve been hiding from myself.

I know my Nan would have supported me in my decision to part ways with my family, I know she would have created a safe space for me, the freedom to speak. But, I never got to have that conversation with her. I thought about it, and each time I said to myself “there’s no point in saying that”.

But, there is a point.

And so, one sunny day on a beach in Norfolk, I held up an envelope, it simply read “Nanny”. Inside it was our conversation, my younger self for the first time, telling her Nan of the things that happened at home, of how she felt, and saying the things that needed to be said.

In a separate letter, I wrote to my younger self, I apologised to her for doing to her exactly what my parents had done - taken away my freedom to speak, to be heard, and feel loved. I told her now to speak, to connect with the person who did love her, who had always heard her out and helped her.

I apologised for always saying “There’s no point in saying that” for dismissing her, and ignoring her feelings. And, I finally had my moment with my Nan, the one I had been longing for, there on that beach, with the sun shining on my face, and the wind in my hair, I felt her with me, and I felt free.

This has helped me approach my unconscious with full faith and trust, full openness with whatever needs to be healed. Embracing this information has helped me live a better, happier life - I ask for help now. I speak up when there is a problem. I acknowledge my inner child.

Conclusion:

Healing is so much more than stopping a bad habit. Healing is so much more than an “I love you” affirmation. It is to accept that deepest darkest part of ourselves, to bring it to the light, give it the attention it needs, and to let it go. It is only after weathering the storm, that we can get to the blue sky and rainbows.

Transference can be a gift and tool when used correctly. Transference can be used to create that connection, then acknowledge and truly see the very real human we have in front of us.

Timing is everything - your unconscious mind will only “open the floodgates” when it’s safe to do so, when you are fully ready. Some things can be healed and moved on from in one session, and some take several sessions.

Some things can be overcome by talking about it - feeling heard and seen, hearing it said out loud. Other things need a combination of talking about it, hypnosis, and doing a ritual around it etc.

We are all multifaceted energetic beings. We are connected in both our similarities and differences. We have the power to shape and change our realities and the power to overcome any challenge.

That’s magical.